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Ok, get this… I have over 70 books on parenting!! Obsession? I believe so. A few months ago I finished reading one of my books called The Natural Child by Jan Hunt. I love her book! It is all about loving attachment parenting and respecting children. I especially love all her information on homeschooling/unschooling and how children learn. In her book she has a really great chapter entitled The Hidden Messages We Give Our Children which I feel sums up her viewpoints beautifully. I desire to share this with you today. I hope you enjoy!

David and I snuggling by the fire

The Hidden Messages We Give Our Children
By Jan Hunt, M.Sc

Newborn

What we say: “You can cry all you want; I’m not going to pick you up again!”

What we think: “This is breaking my heart, but all those experts can’t be wrong.”

What the child thinks: “They don’t love me. They don’t care about my suffering. Mommy is perfect, so there must be something wrong with me. I must not be worthy of anybody’s love.”

What we say 20 years later: “What on earth do you see in Tom? How can you let him treat you like that? Don’t you know you deserve better than that?”

Infant

What we say: “No more nursing. You’re too big for that now!”

What we think: “I’d like to continue, but I can’t stand all this criticism from my relatives.”

What the child thinks: “I’ve just lost the most important thing in my life: the long periods of cuddling and the food that felt best inside me. I must have done something terrible. I must be a terrible person.”

What we say 20 years later: “Why are you drinking so much?”

Age Two

What we say: “You can’t come into our bed anymore. You won’t be lonely. Look, here’s a nice big teddy bear to keep you company!”

What we think: “Grandma thinks there’s something wrong with having you in our bedroom. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s more important for us to please her than to please you. Anyway, this teddy bear should make you happy.”

What the child thinks: “It isn’t fair! They get to cuddle with a real person. They don’t know me very well. They don’t care about my feelings. Oh well, at least they gave me this bear.”

What we say 20 years later: “I know you’re upset that Tom broke off with you, but is that any reason to overcharge your credit card like this? Will all this stuff make you feel better that someone left you? When did you become so materialistic?”

Age Four

What we say: “You know you’re not supposed to hit your brother! I’ll give you a spanking you’ll never forget!”

What we think: “There must be a better way to handle this, but it’s what my dad did, so it must be right.”

What the child thinks: “I was so upset with my brother I hit him. Now Dad is so upset with me for hitting, he’s hitting me. I guess it’s okay for adults to hit, but not for kids. I wonder what I should do when I get upset? Oh well, one of these days I’ll be an adult myself.”

What we say 20 years later: “A barroom brawl? Adults don’t hit people just because they’re upset. I never taught you to resort to violence!”

Age Six

What we say: “Well, this is a big day for you. Don’t be afraid. Just do everything your teacher says.”

What we think: “Please don’t embarrass me by acting up at school!”

What the child thinks: “But I’m afraid! I’m not ready to leave them for so many hours a day! They must be getting tired of me. Maybe if I do what the teacher says, they’ll like me better and let me stay home.”

What we say 20 years later: “What?! Your friend talked you into taking drugs? Do you do what everybody else tells you to do? Don’t you have a mind of your own?”

Age Eight

What we say: “Your teacher says you aren’t paying attention in class. How will you ever learn anything important?”

What we think: “If my kid never amounts to anything, I’ll feel like a failure.”

What the child thinks: “I’m not interested in the things the teacher talks about, but I guess she knows best. The things that do interest me must not be important.”

What we say 20 years later: “You’re 28 years old an you still don’t know what you want to do with your life? Aren’t you interested in anything?!”

Age Ten

What we say: “You broke another dish? Oh, never mind. I’ll wash them myself.

What we think: “I know I should be more patient with you, but at least this way the dished will get done.”

What the child thinks: “Boy, am I clumsy. I’d better not even try to help anymore.”

What we say 20 years later: “You want that job but you won’t even apply for it? You should have more faith in yourself!”

Age Twelve

What we say: “Go out and play with your friends – You’ll have more fun with them than hanging around here all day.”

What we think: “I know I should spend more time with you, but I’ve got so much to do. It’s a good thing there are so many kids around here.”

What the child thinks: “I want to do things with Mom and Dad, but they’re always too busy. I guess my friends like me better.”

What we say 20 years later: “You never call us or come to see us anymore. Don’t you care about our feelings?”

Age Fourteen

What we say: “Please leave the room, dear. Your father and I have something personal to discuss.”

What we think: “We have some secrets we’d rather you didn’t know about.”

What the child thinks: “I’m not really part of this family.”

What we say 20 years later: “You’re in prison?! Why didn’t you tell us you were having problems? Don’t you know there are no secrets in families? We tried so hard. Where did we go wrong?”

David playing in leaves

Brilliant!! Right? If you desire more check out Jan’s book and website. She really understands that being a parent is the most important thing we will ever do. What could be more vital than the legacy we leave behind through our children? And what could be more important than ensuring the next generation is happy, healthy, and fully functioning? This is why it is soooooo important to THINK about what we are doing. It is not wise to follow the crowd or take the “easy” road on this one. I challenge each one of you to rethink the way you are parenting your precious little ones. Every word we speak and every action we take has a subtle or not so subtle effect on the rest of their lives. These amazing beings of light have entrusted their care to us. Let us live up to their trust and take our sacred responsibility seriously.

P.S I am recording my journey with David using the 8 principles I choose to parent by. Look out for my e-book, Advanced Parenting: 8 Ways to Activate Your Child’s Full Potential, at the end of 2012

It was 3 years ago, my father had recently passed away, I was at his funeral and experiencing one of the most spiritual connections I had ever felt. I felt what is called “Peace That Surpasses All Understanding,” for it didn’t make logical sense that I would feel so much comfort and joy on a cellular level after my most beloved father had left this world forever.

Shortly after I remember feeling as if I was so close and yet so far from reaching enlightenment. I was so close to knowing what I needed to know to start living life, to start enjoying my life. I had read hundreds of books, attended several self-help seminars, workshops, and events. And yet I always felt an inner desire for more. No matter how amazing my previous experience was or how much I had learned, I still felt an internal deficiency. During this inner longing one of my friends recommended I read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I quickly delved into it, not knowing what journey lay ahead of me.

As soon as I finished reading I felt a distinct knowing that this was it. This is what I had been searching for all along and I no longer needed to search. All knowledge was already inside of me and I didn’t need books anymore. Sure I would read and learn and grow but the feeling of needing to get somewhere or not knowing enough fell away. I remember that night I cried out of gratitude for the peace that had returned to my soul.

Now 3 years later I am revisiting the sacred and profound teachings of Eckhart Tolle and re-realizing my inherit perfection and connection to source. So today I give my ode to Eckhart Tolle. I am grateful for his ability and willingness to share this message to the world. Below I have listed some of my favorite quotes from The Power of Now…

“Those who have not found their true wealth, which is the radiant joy of Being and the deep, unshakable peace that comes with it, are beggars, even if they have material wealth. They are looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love, while they have a treasure within that not only includes all those things but is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.”

“Intellectual agreement is just another belief and won’t make much difference to your life. To realize this truth, you need to live it. When every cell of your body is so present that it feels vibrant with life, and when you can feel that life every moment as the joy of Being, then it can be said that you are free of time.”

“All you really need to do is accept this moment fully. You are then at ease in the here and now and at ease with yourself.”

“Your outer journey may contain a million steps; your inner journey only has one: the step you are taking right now. As you become more deeply aware of this one step, you realize that it already contains within itself all the other steps as well as the destination. This one step then becomes transformed into an expression of perfection, an act of great beauty and quality. It will have taken you into Being, and the light of Being will shine through it. This is both the purpose and the fulfillment of your inner journey, the journey into yourself.”

If Eckhart Tolle has touched you too, I encourage you to add your own favorite The Power of Now quote below and give gratitude for the teachings Eckhart Tolle has brought to millions! I look forward to your comments:)

P.S. If you have yet to read The Power of Now, I highly reccomend this book. Click below to get started:
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment