I have a confession to make. I have a weakness. Yes, it’s true. I am not perfect. Shocking, I know. Today I am going to reveal to you a part of myself which, until now, has caused me shame. A part of myself which I have attempted to hide from others. I am what I fondly refer to as an Un-Domesticated Goddess, meaning, I suck at keeping my house clean! At any given moment, if you were to walk into my home unannounced (because I can clean up nice for guests ), you would see dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor, random papers and other projects on my table, an unmade bed, and bathrooms in need of cleaning. This is something I have struggled with for a LONG time. I blame it on my right brained nature. Even in elementary school I remember spending my weekends trying to clean and organize my room. I arranged and re-arranged my furniture and possessions over and over but nothing ever seemed quite “right” and so I maintained an unkempt room. My mother, like 99.9% of the people I know, has a knack for decorating, organizing, and keeping her place spic and span. She would not let me go outside to play until my room was up to her standards, and so I spent many hours inside overwhelmed by mess when I so desperately wanted to have fun with my friends, playing outside in the beauties of nature (which my technocratic room could never emulate). Well, now that I am grown up, I do play. Instead of cleaning I generally choose to go on long nature walks, watch movies with Bryan (netflix has become our standard date night since David was born), talk with friends, nap, read, meditate, pursue creative projects, and enjoy lots of snuggles and quality time with my son. I never clean when David naps, except for rare occasions. I use my time for self-care, creativity, and fun.
David laying on my pile of clean clothes (I think the blurriness of this photo enhances the “undomesticated” look. What do you think?)
Some days I feel I should be living the life of Anastasia, from the Ringing Cedars series, or Adam and Eve, from the Bible. No house to clean, no food to prepare, nothing on my to do list except for contemplating the meaning of the cosmos, playing with my animal friends, and giving thanks for the abundance of food growing around me. In nature, everything makes sense. If I were to throw an apple on the ground I would not be cluttering my home (not that I actually throw apples on my floor…). Mother Earth would use this to enrich her soil. Nothing is dirty, out of place, or in need of sterilization. Everything is perfect. Everything fits into her eco-system and is used to create beauty and abundance. Instead, I live in a box, whose ecosystem would collapse (or eventually become part of nature’s eco-system) if I didn’t tend to it consistently. I love my home, I really do, and I appreciate the warmth it provides and the modern conveniences it contains. I am just saying, maybe we could come up with something more efficient for all us un-domesticated goddesses out there
I believe our greatest weakness can be our greatest strength and inside our deepest shame and sorrow lies the most beautiful part of ourself. In order to change anything we must first embrace it. We must see how our weakness is serving us. We always have exactly what we need and desire, even when we think our life is far from ideal. Some day I really would like to be at least a little bit of a “Domestic Goddess,” but today, I celebrate my un-domesticated self! It has brought me so much fun!! So many moments when I should have been cleaning I have chosen to follow my bliss and invest time with those I love. I am grateful for my ability to relax no matter what my surroundings look like. I am an easy going mother because of this. My son is able to play with my stuff, eat on the floor, be diaper free, and get dirty without a stressed out mom. Today I make peace with my un-domesticated self, for my greatest weakness may just be my greatest strength.
P.S. Do you have a weakness? In what way does your weakness actually serve and bless you? I would love to know!