Book Review: The Natural Child by Jan Hunt
Dec.19, 2011
Ok, get this… I have over 70 books on parenting!! Obsession? I believe so. 
A few months ago I finished reading one of my books called The Natural Child
David and I snuggling by the fire
By Jan Hunt, M.Sc
Newborn
What we say: “You can cry all you want; I’m not going to pick you up again!”
What we think: “This is breaking my heart, but all those experts can’t be wrong.”
What the child thinks: “They don’t love me. They don’t care about my suffering. Mommy is perfect, so there must be something wrong with me. I must not be worthy of anybody’s love.”
What we say 20 years later: “What on earth do you see in Tom? How can you let him treat you like that? Don’t you know you deserve better than that?”
Infant
What we say: “No more nursing. You’re too big for that now!”
What we think: “I’d like to continue, but I can’t stand all this criticism from my relatives.”
What the child thinks: “I’ve just lost the most important thing in my life: the long periods of cuddling and the food that felt best inside me. I must have done something terrible. I must be a terrible person.”
What we say 20 years later: “Why are you drinking so much?”
Age Two
What we say: “You can’t come into our bed anymore. You won’t be lonely. Look, here’s a nice big teddy bear to keep you company!”
What we think: “Grandma thinks there’s something wrong with having you in our bedroom. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s more important for us to please her than to please you. Anyway, this teddy bear should make you happy.”
What the child thinks: “It isn’t fair! They get to cuddle with a real person. They don’t know me very well. They don’t care about my feelings. Oh well, at least they gave me this bear.”
What we say 20 years later: “I know you’re upset that Tom broke off with you, but is that any reason to overcharge your credit card like this? Will all this stuff make you feel better that someone left you? When did you become so materialistic?”
Age Four
What we say: “You know you’re not supposed to hit your brother! I’ll give you a spanking you’ll never forget!”
What we think: “There must be a better way to handle this, but it’s what my dad did, so it must be right.”
What the child thinks: “I was so upset with my brother I hit him. Now Dad is so upset with me for hitting, he’s hitting me. I guess it’s okay for adults to hit, but not for kids. I wonder what I should do when I get upset? Oh well, one of these days I’ll be an adult myself.”
What we say 20 years later: “A barroom brawl? Adults don’t hit people just because they’re upset. I never taught you to resort to violence!”
Age Six
What we say: “Well, this is a big day for you. Don’t be afraid. Just do everything your teacher says.”
What we think: “Please don’t embarrass me by acting up at school!”
What the child thinks: “But I’m afraid! I’m not ready to leave them for so many hours a day! They must be getting tired of me. Maybe if I do what the teacher says, they’ll like me better and let me stay home.”
What we say 20 years later: “What?! Your friend talked you into taking drugs? Do you do what everybody else tells you to do? Don’t you have a mind of your own?”
Age Eight
What we say: “Your teacher says you aren’t paying attention in class. How will you ever learn anything important?”
What we think: “If my kid never amounts to anything, I’ll feel like a failure.”
What the child thinks: “I’m not interested in the things the teacher talks about, but I guess she knows best. The things that do interest me must not be important.”
What we say 20 years later: “You’re 28 years old an you still don’t know what you want to do with your life? Aren’t you interested in anything?!”
Age Ten
What we say: “You broke another dish? Oh, never mind. I’ll wash them myself.
What we think: “I know I should be more patient with you, but at least this way the dished will get done.”
What the child thinks: “Boy, am I clumsy. I’d better not even try to help anymore.”
What we say 20 years later: “You want that job but you won’t even apply for it? You should have more faith in yourself!”
Age Twelve
What we say: “Go out and play with your friends – You’ll have more fun with them than hanging around here all day.”
What we think: “I know I should spend more time with you, but I’ve got so much to do. It’s a good thing there are so many kids around here.”
What the child thinks: “I want to do things with Mom and Dad, but they’re always too busy. I guess my friends like me better.”
What we say 20 years later: “You never call us or come to see us anymore. Don’t you care about our feelings?”
Age Fourteen
What we say: “Please leave the room, dear. Your father and I have something personal to discuss.”
What we think: “We have some secrets we’d rather you didn’t know about.”
What the child thinks: “I’m not really part of this family.”
What we say 20 years later: “You’re in prison?! Why didn’t you tell us you were having problems? Don’t you know there are no secrets in families? We tried so hard. Where did we go wrong?”
David playing in leaves
Brilliant!! Right? If you desire more check out Jan’s book
P.S I am recording my journey with David using the 8 principles I choose to parent by. Look out for my e-book, Advanced Parenting: 8 Ways to Activate Your Child’s Full Potential, at the end of 2012
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6 Comments for this entry
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Rose Goddess Recommends...
December 20th, 2011 on 4:03 am
70 books on parenting?! Do you have time to be a parent between reading them?!
[Reply]
Rose Goddess Reply:
December 24th, 2011 at 9:21 pm
@Hollywood Acting Coach LOL
Luckily I read a lot before having my baby. Parenting definitely comes before reading
[Reply]
December 21st, 2011 on 12:14 am
I’d love to share part of this (Hidden messages we give our children). Hope you don’t mind!
[Reply]
Jan Hunt Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 11:03 am
Hi,
Glad you like my article! Please write to me for reprint permission.
Thanks!
Jan Hunt, M.Sc., Director
Natural Child Project
http://www.naturalchild.org
Follow me on Twitter: @janbaronhunt
“Children behave as well as they are treated.”
[Reply]
Sharilyn Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 5:54 pm
Hi Jan–
I posted part of what was written on my facebook status quite a while ago–I can take it down if you’d like, if I haven’t already.
Sorry for the confusion as far a permission to repost–my bad.
[Reply]
Jan Hunt Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 7:28 pm
Hi Sharilyn,
That’s fine – no need to remove it. Thanks for asking!
Jan
December 21st, 2011 on 1:16 am
So true about what we say to four year olds!
[Reply]
January 4th, 2012 on 11:13 pm
Many people own books but do not read them. Have you read all those 70 books on parenting? My favorite author is Gloria Steinem. When you read a book by her, you get the best quotes from about 50 other books. According to her the current way of bringing up kids comes from Nazi Germany just like Sigmund Freud. Just like Hitler, the parent is the absolute dictator of the child. Kahlil Gibran has great advice on raising children. “Give them your love, but not your thoughts.”
The link on my name above goes to the article that I just wrote about raising children. The movie The Sound of Music shows how the father was raising the children. The nun, Maria, had no experience raising children but she had love in her heart.
I would baby sit for a woman that had a baby and then when the baby was a toddler, she had another baby. The father could not stand to hold his kids. The mother had a father that had nothing to do with her and her mother was a heroin addict.
In the Karate Kid, Miyagi says that there are no bad students, only bad teachers. I say that there are no bad kids, omly bad parents. So these 2 kids that I helped her to raise, never cried when they were with me which may be the entire day.
Now I live right near a single mother with 2 kids and she was a meth addict not too long ago. The 3 year old daughter cries a lot. I have watched the girl and her older brother for hours and they never cried.
The daughter was sitting on the ground crying and the mother was on the other side of a fence talking to her. I came over and the mother told me that she was not crying because she fell and got hurt. She was crying because she was not getting her way.
But I know this girl! She is mentally sound whereas the society that she lives in is sick. Neither was the reason that she was crying. She was crying because her heart was being broken. So this article refers to another article that I wrote.
All relationships are influenced by one saying– misery loves company. So the way to raise a happy and peaceful child is for you to be a happy and peaceful person. My mother loved to read a lot so she took my brother and I to the library every 3 weeks. Then we became people who read a read a great deal. Kids learn by imitation not by what you teach them.
People do not like to hear healthy babies crying since they are hearing their hearts being broken and torn apart!
[Reply]
January 4th, 2012 on 11:46 pm
Did you hear about the mother that always said to her child, “You are always clowning around. You will never amount to anything.” The child was Bill Cosby.
This other mother would always say to her son, “You are always getting into fights. You will never amount to anything.” This child was Cassius Clay (Mohammed Ali).
Then this mother was saying to her child, “You are always playing around with your computer. You need to go outside and play or you will never amount to anything.” That child was Mark Zuckerberg.
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January 7th, 2012 on 5:31 pm
From what I have been reading here you are a beautiful mama. Thank you for being strong, and following your heart.
[Reply]
Rose Goddess Reply:
January 9th, 2012 at 6:11 pm
@Jill Thank you so much! *big hug*
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